Don’t marry a man to reform him;
To God and your own self be true.
Don’t link to his vices your virtue;
You’ll rue it, dear girl, if you do.

No matter how fervent his pleadings,
Be not by his promise led;
If he can’t be a man while a wooing,
He’ll never be one when he’s wed.

Don’t marry a man to reform him—
To repent it, alas, when too late.
The mission of wives least successful
Is the making of crooked limbs straight.

There’s many a maiden has tried it,
And proved it a failure at last;
Better tread your life’s pathway alone, dear,
Than wed with a lover that’s fast.

Mankind’s much the same the world over;
The exceptions you’ll find are but few.
When the rule is defect and disaster,
The chances are great against you.

Don’t trust your bright hopes for the future,
The beautiful crown of your youth,
To the keeping of him who holds lightly
His fair name and honor and truth.

To honor and love you must promise;
Don’t pledge what you can not fulfil.
If he’ll have no respect for himself, dear,
Most surely you then never will.

‘Tis told us the frown of a woman
Is strong as the blow of a man,
And the world will be better when women
Frown on error as hard as they can.

Make virtue the price of your favor;
Place wrong-doing under a ban,
And let him who’d win you and wed you
Prove himself in full measure a man.

— Treasures of Poetry

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Is there a break down of the fear of God in your family worship? The Bible says that God is greatly to be feared in the assembly of the saints. When you gather your family together, it’s a small assembly of saints. God is greatly to be feared in that assembly. That means Johnny cannot lay on the floor and push around his truck, and Lisa can’t be stretched out on the recliner. Susie can’t bring her juice to sip on, because the fire won’t fall! The children cannot be giggling and interrupting. We must clear some things out of the way. The devil would love to pour buckets of lightness on our family altar to keep the fire from falling.
If there is a lack of the fear of God, go right to the foundation–your own relationship with God. Are you walking in the fear of God day after day? Is your life, your example before the children, holy, holy, holy? It will be difficult to have an exemplary life if you are always joking.
There is a special call to the fathers. “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Eph. 6:4. Ye fathers! Instruct your children! Instruct them how to worship in the fear of God. Instruct them how to sit and how to kneel because, even our very posture indicates and reveals if there’s a lack of the fear of God. Ye fathers, you are given special authority to train your children how to worship.
Faithful Abraham instructed his children. Wherever he journeyed, “he pitched his tent and there he built an altar unto the Lord.” God knew he could trust Abraham fully. Gen. 18:19 states, “I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord…” Because Abraham taught them, “they shall keep [it] to do justice and judgment.” They will not only hear father and then go and do their own thing. They will DO it! Abraham saw to it that his household followed God. Can God speak so about us? The family altar needs a strong father.

Is there a breakdown of sweet, precious unity in your family altar? That church in your house has to endeavor to keep the unity as much as we do when we assemble with the congregation. We must endeavor to keep the unity in the spirit with our children. We can’t worship with one another if one brother is sitting beside the next and there’s thick air between them, or attitudes and feelings that are negative. How could we worship? How could we expect the fire to fall? It won’t fall! There’s something in the way.
Fathers you must see to it that nobody is at odds with one another. That goes for mother and father too, because we’ll go away empty if that’s how we think we can assemble. The hearts of the fathers turn to those of the children and we have a stronger bond through family worship.
Mention one another’s names in prayer. Mother can say, “Lord we thank you for Father. He’s been faithfully going to work and caring for all of us.” And Father can say, “Lord, we thank you for Jimmy and Johnny and Susie. We’re so glad you gave them to us. Help us to raise them to your glory.” The children will feel that they’re appreciated and all will have loving fellowship in unity. If you find your altar is sagging on this point, you can repair it.

Does the joy for family worship need some repair? “Even them will I bring to my holy mountain, and make them joyful in my house of prayer: their burnt offerings and their sacrifices shall be accepted upon mine altar; for mine house shall be called an house of prayer for all people.” Isa. 56:7. “Joyful in my house of prayer.”
The children are joyful when they get to go visiting the saints, or fishing with daddy, but when Daddy calls, “Children, time for family worship!” the little faces droop. That altar needs repair. They are not “joyful in my house of prayer.” We want to not fault the children so much for that wearisome attitude. Something has gone wrong.
In the first chapter of Malachi, we read of sacrifices that were brought unfit for the altar and how the priests found the duty wearisome. “For from the rising of the sun even unto the going down of the same my name shall be great among the Gentiles; and in every place incense shall be offered unto my name, and a pure offering…” “Ye said also, behold, what a weariness is it! And ye have snuffed at it, saith the Lord…”
One commentator said when cattle don’t like their food, they snuff at it and won’t eat it. Is there any snuffing in your home? “…Ye brought that which was torn, and the lame, and the sick: thus ye brought an offering: should I accept this of your hand? saith the Lord.” You came with half a heart, and a dreary attitude and sat there, not responding, just a dull spirit. “Should I accept that?” asks the Lord. He will not! You’ll get up thinking you’ve done your duty in family devotions, but you’ve deceived yourself.
Fathers, see to it that family devotions is a joyous time. Don’t make it too long and drawn out. Make it short and spicy so the children will have a thirst for more. They’ll beg you to go on a little more. Daddy says, “that will be all for tonight, but tomorrow, Lord willing, we’ll gather again.” The next night Dad calls for devotions, the children put away their toys and say, “We get to hear the rest tonight!”
If you pick up your heels your children will pick up their heels. If you drag your feet, your children will drag their feet. You say, “It’s such a challenge! How do I do it?” Everything that’s worth fighting for takes labor, takes prayer. The Holy Ghost will help us, and we can help one another and ask, “How do you do it? How do you get it to be inspiring?”
Wives, encourage your husbands. If your husband is living the life and trying his best, it’s our duty to support him! Do it openly!
Children and young people, you too have a duty. This family altar needs to be stoked. You have to do your part. You can’t just sit there. Nobody asks a question, nobody has an answer. That’s not very encouraging for Dad. You need to come with a stirring in your soul.
The Lord wants to do something for us. We read in Revelation 8 how the angel (Christ) was standing at the altar sending up incense with the prayers of the saints and how He takes the censor and casts fire into the earth, which is the hearts of men, women, and children. God still is very desirous to pour down fire upon your family altar.
Lift up your eyes fathers, mothers; your home field is white for harvest. There’s work to do! You are living with immortal souls under your roof, and they need daily preparation for heaven. Their character has to be formed into more godliness and their mind directed into more spiritual heavenliness.
You ask why it is not enough for everyone to have their own secret prayer. That would be the easiest thing to do, and secret prayer is extremely important for the children and the parents. All need time alone with God, but it doesn’t take the place of family worship. In the family gathering, you can tell how your children are doing spiritually. You listen to their prayer to see if it’s just a mumbling and always a repeat of the same words and phrases–no heartbeat in it. That child is not doing well spiritually. Praying but not praying. Saying prayers but not praying. They can also learn to pray by hearing you or their older siblings pray.
Listen to the content of their prayer. If it’s very selfish, you can instruct them to not think just about themselves, but to express thanksgiving, to pray for others, the ministry, the persecuted church in other lands, and the salvation of all souls.
Make room for the family altar. If we will not, other altars will be set up in place of it and it will cause us tears and misery, parents! The devil will try to sweep it out the door. “Well, today we go shopping so we’ll skip family devotions, and tomorrow we have singing practice so we’ll get home later and we’ll have to just do away with it.” Whatever you do, going visiting or having visitors, we too easily allow excuses and it ought not to be. That should be one of the last things we’re willing to sacrifice or forfeit. Whether you do it in the morning or whether you do it in the evening, depending on the family schedule, once a day, or twice a day, do it daily as far as is within your power.
“They made me the keeper of the vineyards, but mine own vineyard have I not kept.” Cant. 1:6b. We’re working in the vineyard of the Lord and involved in all kinds of things that are important, but don’t neglect your own vineyard, because it too is the vineyard of the Lord.
Cornelius was likely a busy centurion, yet he feared the Lord with his whole house and prayed always to God.
David was a busy king. One day, after busy public worship, “David returned to bless his house.” He remembered his house.
So we, too, want to keep our own vineyard and have the fire fall on our family altar. We want to make it so that when the time comes for our children to leave home, they will go with a keepsake in their heart; a flame burning in their heart. Maybe it was ignited one time, or many times, at the family altar. We want to give them precious memories of the family altar. That’s a better inheritance than a hundred thousand dollars.
Dear ones, if we will become diligent and repair the family altar, it will help repair us. If we will have a fiery family altar, our children’s souls will be ignited. There’s nothing as beautiful as a holy family gathering around the family altar. Let us take the challenge.

Taken from a message preached by Sis. Elfie Tovstiga in Aylmer, Ontario, Canada in 2008.

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For ages women have been denigrated and down-graded. We have entire religious movements who capitalize on keeping the women “in their place.” By an erroneous interpretation of certain scriptures, they have relegated the women solely to the realm of the kitchen. Their wants and needs scarcely have been addressed. They have been denied the freedom of speech in the home and in the church. Countless numbers of them have gone to hell due to this unnatural and unscriptural oppression.

Men have sermonized and exhorted. They have lambasted and libeled the women from the pulpit. They have viewed the extremes of feminism in the world, and, fearful lest their own wives should begin to think for themselves and act as if they had a soul of their very own which required the freedom and freshness of the Holy Spirit, they have stripped them of nearly every scriptural and spiritual right. Many men use their place in the home as an occasion to the flesh. They make the wives and the children subservient to their selfish, carnal wishes.

Men, you have something to answer for in this. We have heard enough of all of this sermonizing on the submission of the wife. We turn the question of submission around on you. Have you submitted yourself to obey the commandments which God has given specifically to you–to you, the husband? Do you love your wife?

Your job is not just to ensure the submission of the wife. God has not made you her judge or high priest. He has only allotted to you a very meager role as her domestic head. A very limited sphere of rule indeed. And, yet, some men act as though they were God Himself, issuing commandments and demanding the total subservience of the women. They usurp the authority of the Holy Ghost over their wives. No, husband, this is not your duty.

Husbands, love your wives. That is your duty. A husband who truly loves his wife will understand that she is a human being with feelings and emotions. She needs more than food to eat and a roof over her head. He will understand that she needs, yea, demands his time, attention and affection. He will feel tender toward her needs and will do all within his power to see that her domestic requirements are attended to. He will not come home and perch on his recliner like a king, demanding that she wait on him, hand and foot. We know this, because Christ is not such an husband to the church, and it is this comparison that the husband needs to live up to.

The loving husband will understand that “helpmeet” does not just mean that his wife should bake him pies, iron his clothes, and sweep the floor. He loves his wife as Christ loves the church. He will recognize that his wife has a soul for which she, alone, is accountable to God. This means he will do his utmost to encourage her spiritually and will not stand in her way if God calls her (instead of him) to do a specific work. He will refuse to be a hindrance toward her spiritual progress and will do everything within his power to encourage her on to heaven.

A godly husband will have read his Bible enough to know that the office of husband is not listed as a gift of the Holy Spirit. Consequently, he is not his wife’s pastor. He will carefully guard himself from infringing on the wife’s spiritual privileges. He will regard her as a helpmeet to himself, both domestically and spiritually, and will accept this help in both spheres. His wife will be more to him than a household servant or baby-machine. He will take pains for her welfare and will, as the scriptures state, truly nourish and cherish her.

Some will argue that the Bible commands the women to submit to their husbands in every thing (Eph. 5:24). They use this to restrict even the holiest and noblest spiritual aspirations of the women. Such an interpretation needs qualifying. The scriptures also teach us to submit ourselves to every ordinance of man (1 Pet. 2:13). If we are to interpret this the same way some men interpret Ephesians 5:24, then believers in many countries where it is a crime to be a Christian would have to give up prayer, evangelism, and Bible reading. But such a view is irrational. When the scriptures command obedience to a temporal authority, be it man or government, it is predicated on the assumption that obedience to God is first and foremost. Wherever the will of man crosses the will of God, God takes precedence.

Obviously, the Lord expects the women to obey His Word and Spirit over and above their husbands. He commands them to obey and reverence their husbands, but if the husband is out of order and comes between the woman’s obedience to God, she is to obey God, rather than man (Acts 5:29). The example of Sapphira should prove sufficient to illustrate this point. God lays claim to every individual when He says, “All souls are mine”(Ezk. 18:4). The woman obeys God in obeying her husband as long as the husband’s will does not run contrary to the revealed will of God.

And so, we ask you husbands, are you in submission to God? Do you love your wife? No man who truly loves his wife will behave toward her in a haughty, commandeering manner. You will know you love your wife when you feel tender affection toward her. You will know you truly love her when you view her, not as a threat to your rule and domination, but as a fellow-helper of your soul. You can say that you love your wife when you would gladly lay down your life (your thoughts, your wishes) for her and give yourself to see her prosper in body and soul. “Love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church…So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.” Happy such a marriage! How godly such a home! Few are the men who see this.

It is time for a holy and godly people to stand on the Bible and demand as much of the men as has been demanded of the women. Husbands, love your wives. Are you in obedience to this?

Bro. Daniel Eichelberger

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